Let me let you in on a little secret...

Most people who know me understand I'm a feminist. I don't believe in gender roles. I feel men and women are equal and should be treated equally.

But something bizarre happened after our big day. I felt like my mind was transported to the 1950s. I suddenly wanted to make sure his work clothes were clean, folded and put away. I had the desire to make sandwiches with all the gourmet toppings. I pictured myself in a cutesy little apron (and not much else - hey we're newlyweds!) creating Food Network worthy dishes for dinner, waiting for him to come home from work.

And the first few days of us being home from our honeymoon played out very similar to that. And the best part of it, Nick played into the dutiful husband as well. Even when he worked in the afternoon, he would wake up in the morning to have coffee and/or breakfast with me before I left for work. It was picturesque to say the least.

Then a lightbulb went off. While in my marriage daydreams this sounded wonderful, but I wondered how long we could both keep this up in reality.

Don't get me wrong oftentimes it is about the little things and keeping things like this up that help build a relationship, but if there is one thing I know it's myself. I knew that if for years Nick woke up with me every morning I had to work and then suddenly didn't I would be heartbroken. It would lead to arguments and tears (from me of course) and a sense of resentment that I didn't want.

So the very week we came home from our honeymoon I told Nick, "Love, if you don't plan on doing this until the day we die please don't."

Now that wasn't his get out of jail free card or mine for that matter. It was the realization that I wanted to continue to both be self-sufficient and get little surprises from time to time instead of creating expectations.

The same holds true for other chores! I'm not a housekeeper, I'm a wife. He is fully capable of putting his laundry in the hamper, so if I have to suffer for a few days and step over his dirty socks so be it. I will not make that an expectation.

Now some may look at this and say, "Wow! What a..." well you know. But that's not it. It's not. We split chores and do our fair share around the house because we both work full time and this is our house. I'm not afraid to take out the garbage or cut the grass. Nick will do laundry and the dishes.

I hope this is our key to success. Hopefully I can let you know on our 50th wedding anniversary.

© Nichole DeMario, 2010 – 2012. All rights reserved