Something has come between my husband and I.
Two months ago, when my husband was lax on shaving a couple days a co-worker asked Nick why he didn't just grow a beard. Nick thought about it and said, "Hey why not?" Not realizing there can be too much of a good thing, the same co-worker came back with why not grow your beard until Christmas? Encouraged by the incentive of $20, Nick thought about it (or at least I'm hoping) and said again, "Hey why not?"
Time went on and his beard of course grew...and grew...and grew. More co-workers began cheering Nick on. Then his boss approached him. Although they have a great relationship, he was afraid what his boss might have to say. I thought FINALLY a reason he'll HAVE to shave and he won't be out $20 if his boss makes him remove the feline growing on his face. No...such...luck. His boss threw in an extra $25 to see if he'd go through with it.
Most of you would say $45 are you kidding me? My best friend even offered to give him $50 to shave if I didn't like it. And to tell you the truth, he's probably kept it so long in part because of me. See, when this bet began I was encouraging it, too. I would say he can't lose! It was the principal of the matter! Be competitive!
I'm eating my words.
Not only is his beard thick, it's a deep auburn, highlighting his Irish ancestry. If he straightened it, I'm positive it would be nearing 2 inches long. We've gone through more shampoo and conditioner in these two months than we have probably in a year of marriage. So at least I can say it's clean. He know can't leave the house without a comb, which have gone through the washer at least half a dozen times. When he lost his third comb in a week I had to give up my teasing comb so his beard could remain just so.
I have not been able to properly kiss my husband since the end of summer. We have resorted to a quick familial peck on the lips. Any more than that and I'm combating a losing battle with whiskers. With kissing the gateway to other things, let's just say his beard has now become the gatekeeper.
But it gets better. While his beard grows to epic proportions, Nick discovered he needs to train it to grow a certain way. We began a hunt for mustache wax. Yes, there is such a thing. The moment he began curling the ends into a handlebar mustache I almost lost it.
There's two more months to go. I ask myself if I can handle being married to Tom Hank's character, Chuck Noland in Castaway? Hmm, anyone want to join my petition and collection?
© Nichole DeMario, 2010 – 2012. All rights reserved
