Striving for perfection.

Nick and I attended the wedding of a couple we've known since they first started dating. It was a beautiful day with just enough breeze. An ideal setting for an outdoor ceremony. One of my favorite parts of a wedding ceremony are the vows. It's a great surprise for me. Will they be traditional, modern, recite their own?

This couple decided to write their own (which is my favorite!). They both had beautiful things to say about one another, but one portion of the bride's vows stuck with me. (Please allow me to paraphrase) She had said that in the beginning of their relationship she was trying to be this perfect version of herself. She explained that she was afraid to let her imperfections show as if those imperfections may be the downfall of their budding relationship. She went on to say that when she slowly let her guard down and allowed the "real" version of herself to shine through she was surprised to find her then boyfriend was willing to stay. She thanked him for accepting all versions of her and promised to take him in all forms as well.

It was beautiful.

It made me think, how many times have I sugarcoated my feelings, my wants or needs? I was guilty of trying to be perfect, too. Trying to figure things out on my own. Negligent of the fact that we are a team working toward the same goals in life. I had a partner there to support me.

I think oftentimes, many of us try to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. That's what's so wonderful about finding the right person no matter if you're dating or have been married 60 years. They let you be yourself. The right person takes you in all forms - the good, the bad, the ugly. They know when you're really mad you cry. They know you come with a past and possibly baggage. But they love you just the same. Yes, of course, you evolve and grow as a couple, but you shouldn't try to change someone nor should you change yourself for anyone.

Nick said something to me a few weeks ago that I feel relates to the perfect vs. imperfect struggle. He told me that loving someone when things are good is easy. It's when you're upset, arguing or things aren't going in the right direction that measures the strength of that love. And he's right. It's about loving the whole person.

Thank you to these newlyweds and to my husband for reminding me that it's okay to just be me.

© Nichole DeMario, 2010 – 2012. All rights reserved