Earth to my husband, do you copy?

The smile and nod. That's my trick. I've had that one up my sleeve for years. That's an unfortunate one for my husband.

So we were at Menards for the umpteenth time in the past few weeks (I'll keep you posted on what we've been working on soon). As we're passing through a section heading to the paint department, I started talking about a rehab  project for our laundry room. I'm talking away, "Laundry room blah blah blah." <Nods in agreement.> "New countertop for folding blah blah. <Uh-huh in response> The paint color will be so nice, blah blah blah. <More nods and mmm-hmms.> "So do you think that will work?"

Deer in the headlights. Blinks. Mouth drops open. Seconds pass and finally with a sigh he looks at me and says, "I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention. I was thinking about what we need to get next."

All right. One free pass. So I start again, "Laundry room blah blah blah." <Yeah, he responds.> "New countertop for folding blah blah. <Nods yes> The paint color will be so nice, blah blah blah. <Nods again> "So do you think that will work?"

Blank stare. Even more time passes, "I did it again." I wanted to be mad. He wasn't listening to me. I know I talk a lot, but c'mon at least I was talking about building supplies and paint in Menards. They're totally related! But all I could do was laugh. His face was just too priceless.

Busted! He got a free pass with this incident, but now I'm on to him. From now on, regardless if I'm talking about non-essential to vital, I'll be sure to throw out something random like, "I'm quitting my job and taking up beat boxing" or "We're joining a cult and you have to marry the dog."


Have you caught your significant other doing something that you couldn't help but crack up at?

© Nichole DeMario, 2010 – 2012. All rights reserved

Beg to differ

 I love running across articles that dissect marriage. The good, the bad, the ugly. It's interesting to read what people deem the secret to a successful marriage; sometimes you even pick up a few tips along the way.

Ever the opinionated woman, oftentimes I run across an article that just rubs me the wrong way. As I preface an example of such an article, let me say this, I understand the premise of the following article. Marriage is not for everyone; it's not easy all the time and there are days where it is nothing but a pain in the butt. Sometimes I drive my husband crazy and vice versa. Not everyone has a desire for titles. Some people feel a verbal commitment is more than enough.

I respect this writer's opinions. People are entitled to their opinions and their First Amendment Rights. However, if you're going to go to the trouble to create a list of why people should NOT get married (whether you're trying to be clever or not) at least stay true to your title, "15 Very Good Reasons to NEVER Get Married."

Here is why I beg to differ on nearly all points.

1) Despite what everyone else says, you LOVE the single life. 
Number 1 there's not too much to say here. Some people love relationships, others prefer the single life. I'm okay with that. I would never say someone should be in a relationship. The writer gets a free pass on this one. Read on.
2) You know you'll have to share both the ice cream and the television remote.
Wow, someone's selfish. So sometimes you end up watching something you're not crazy about. We have one TV in our house and believe me there are days when Lifetime (sorry to be stereotypical here) is calling my name not Sons of Guns or something about a zombie apocalypse. But the beauty of it? We get to share in each other's interests, it livens up the conversation and I learned that Nick doesn't mind watching Army Wives with me. And I'm pretty sure I'm not going to die, if someone has two scoops of my favorite Rocky Road.
3) You'll have to boot Pablo the Pool Boy. 
Depends how far you want to read into this one. Nick and I have commented on the looks of members of the opposite sex and the same sex for that matter (hello, celebrity man crush/girl crush). To us, there's nothing wrong with appreciating others. But would you find us drooling over someone else, never. If Pablo the Pool Boy is your fantasy you can take the fantasy, not Pablo into the bedroom. 
4) You like to sleep across the whole bed. 
Sometimes, it's great to sprawl out across the entire length of a king-size bed. Sometimes, it's nice not to have someone roll over in their sleep and smack you square in the nose. But there's something about waking up from a terrible dream and being able to cuddle up to someone who makes it all better. Nothing funnier than being woken up by your significant other not only talking in their sleep, but talking in their sleep in a British accent (true story). 
5) You can't stand sharing your space, especially when you know that with marriage comes dude stuff - like that awful Bud Light sign. 
Dude stuff really? I'll be the first to admit, I question Nick's sense of style from time to time (Ie: No love, a blue bathroom does not coordinate with a cream, brown and green bedroom.) Yea, it would be easier to make a decision solo, but compromising isn't the end of the world either. So find a place that Bud Light sign will make both of you happy - the garage, a man cave, the basement.
6) You know that colonies of dirty socks will follow you everywhere you go the moment you let a guy move in. 
It happens. Dirty clothes are on the floor. It bothers me some days more than others. But on the days where it really, really irks me, I have to remember I'm notorious of leaving stuff lying around sometimes too. Before you let a pet peeve drive you crazy, think about what you may do that sets some people off.
7) You'd rather be able to break it off and move on without having to involve the courts. 
Divorce is expensive, even if it's a mutual agreement. It would be easy to say don't get divorced or don't marry someone you think you would divorce. That wouldn't be fair on my part. People change, things change, life happens.
8) Your toilet seat will NEVER be the same. 
Yea, yea, yea. My salvation - a puppy who drinks out of the toilet. Now it's required for our toilet seat to always be down. I got lucky with this one. Aiming, let's not go there.
9) You don't want to have to answer to anyone - you can come and go as you please. 
This is true, yes. You have complete freedom and independence, but I'm not handcuffed to my husband and I hope he doesn't consider me the old ball and chain. We bounce ideas off one another, we discuss and decide together. Usually in the end, a better idea comes out of it.
10) Marriage = one person for the rest of your life. One person for the rest of your life = BORING. 
This one cracks me up. That's such a cliche reason. It's only boring if you let it be. Don't be routine, get out of your comfort zone, use your imagination...seriously.
11) Marriage is expensive. So is divorce. You'd rather take the cash and travel around Europe for three years. 
I'd rather share the experience with someone. Just because I'm married it doesn't limit my dreams. I get to share my dreams, my goals and my life with someone.
12) Your main priority is climbing that corporate ladder and making yourself a success in your career.
You can have a great marriage and a great career. I've heard this one way too many times. Find someone who wants success, too or is happy to support your climb to the top. Unless you're the type who plans to sleep your way to the top (which usually ends badly), this should not hinder a healthy marriage.
13) Getting a break on your taxes and car insurance, despite what they say, isn't a reason to settle down. 
Agreed. A marriage is so much more than that. The same is true for having kids as a tax break.
14) Marriage is an antiquated tradition, much like not allowing women to vote. Why bother with an institution that fails half the time? 
I'm not the type to walk into anything and already plan to fail. It may be difficult to ignore statistics, but if you love someone and want to commit to one another through marriage then you shouldn't let that stand in your way.

15) You know that marriage = compromise. You don't feel that you need to compromise everything to be with someone else. 
I've used the word compromise a few times in my explanations. Not every little thing has to be a compromise. That's just a generality. 

I would never push marriage on someone. This is a decision Nick and I made together, eyes wide open. If you don't want to ever get married, honestly, you don't owe anyone an explanation. It's your choice and you have that right. But if you want to argue the topic with me, don't say you have 15 VERY good reasons and then talk about not wanting to share a pint of ice cream.

Ranting done.

© Nichole DeMario, 2010 – 2012. All rights reserved  

Don't take it personal.

I think I offend people when I say I don't want children right now. That, or people think I'm kidding. When asked why, I respond with the uncreative, simple, "Now is not the right time" that ellicits the same responses: "There's never a right time" and "You'll never have enough money."

But let me be honest and real with you for a moment. I never said I didn't want children (and if I did that would be my husband and my choice) I just said not right now. I adore my husband's godson, my stepbrother's twin daughters and all of my friend's kids as if they were my own nieces and nephews. I gush when I hear my husband say things like, "When we have kids" or when he holds a baby and smiles. I also see panic streak across his face when his godson cries. His arms jut out with the baby toward me and says, "What did I do?" and "What does he want?" as if I have all the answers. That's when sympathy washes over me and I think if I can help it, why not save him from going gray quicker by waiting on parenthood a little longer.

If there is one sure thing I have known I want in my future is to be a mom. Children are an incredible miracle and a blessing. Forgive me for wanting to be selfish right now. I want to overindulge. I want to buy things for myself and go places and not feel guilty, stay up late (because I want to) and sleep in if I feel like it.

Don't get me wrong, when friends announce a pregnancy I'm thrilled for them. It gets my imagination running with thoughts of what I'll look like pregnant and will our baby inherit more of my personality or Nick's, etc. etc. etc.?

No matter what Nick and I say or do, the bets of when we'll announce a pregnancy continue. If I say to my mom, "I don't feel well" she'll still look at me with glee and reply, "Nick is going to be so excited!" as if every hiccup means I'll make her a new grandma.

I guess my point is I don't despise your children. I don't think becoming a parent is this horrendous life sentence. I am actually in awe of parenthood and all its challenges, rewards and more. It is a privilege; one that (unless life throws me a little curve ball) I'm just not ready to accept right now.

© Nichole DeMario, 2010 – 2012. All rights reserved

Free birth control.

Something has come between my husband and I.

Two months ago, when my husband was lax on shaving a couple days a co-worker asked Nick why he didn't just grow a beard. Nick thought about it and said, "Hey why not?" Not realizing there can be too much of a good thing, the same co-worker came back with why not grow your beard until Christmas? Encouraged by the incentive of $20, Nick thought about it (or at least I'm hoping) and said again, "Hey why not?"

Time went on and his beard of course grew...and grew...and grew. More co-workers began cheering Nick on. Then his boss approached him. Although they have a great relationship, he was afraid what his boss might have to say. I thought FINALLY a reason he'll HAVE to shave and he won't be out $20 if his boss makes him remove the feline growing on his face. No...such...luck. His boss threw in an extra $25 to see if he'd go through with it.

Most of you would say $45 are you kidding me? My best friend even offered to give him $50 to shave if I didn't like it. And to tell you the truth, he's probably kept it so long in part because of me. See, when this bet began I was encouraging it, too. I would say he can't lose! It was the principal of the matter! Be competitive!

I'm eating my words.

Not only is his beard thick, it's a deep auburn, highlighting his Irish ancestry. If he straightened it, I'm positive it would be nearing 2 inches long. We've gone through more shampoo and conditioner in these two months than we have probably in a year of marriage. So at least I can say it's clean. He know can't leave the house without a comb, which have gone through the washer at least half a dozen times. When he lost his third comb in a week I had to give up my teasing comb so his beard could remain just so.

I have not been able to properly kiss my husband since the end of summer. We have resorted to a quick familial peck on the lips. Any more than that and I'm combating a losing battle with whiskers. With kissing the gateway to other things, let's just say his beard has now become the gatekeeper.

But it gets better. While his beard grows to epic proportions, Nick discovered he needs to train it to grow a certain way. We began a hunt for mustache wax. Yes, there is such a thing. The moment he began curling the ends into a handlebar mustache I almost lost it.

There's two more months to go. I ask myself if I can handle being married to Tom Hank's character, Chuck Noland in Castaway? Hmm, anyone want to join my petition and collection?

© Nichole DeMario, 2010 – 2012. All rights reserved 

I'm back!

I have to admit. I took a little hiatus from blogging. It's not to say that my husband and/or my marriage weren't giving me enough material, but honestly things were getting kind of real. I began walking this line asking myself, how much do want to tell on your blog? What's appropriate? Do people really care? Do I just sound like a nagging, cranky wife? It was a little terrifying.

We have been married for more than a year (amazing, still can't believe it) and we still don't have this thing figured out. I'm not entirely surprised. Relationships are a lot of continuous work.

After some serious thought and a much needed break I've decided, I want my blog to be real, not some hoaky blog full of embellishments and fabrication. 

So I'm back, ready to write as I originally envisioned. The ups, the downs and everything in between.

Enjoy!

© Nichole DeMario, 2010 – 2012. All rights reserved  

11 Things Never to Say to a Man You Love

In the June 2011 issue of Redbook Magazine I read a fun piece titled, "11 Things Never to Say to a Man You Love" and wondered how many of those I had accomplished over the course of 10 months of marriage.

1. I can't wait to see what you're doing for my birthday.

I plead pure excitement with this one. I can't help that Nick is great with surprises and I never know what he's going to get me! I deserve a free pass.

2. Are you...crying?

This one isn't fair. My feeling is real men cry just as real men wear pink. If you call them out on it they shouldn't feel any less masculine. Now I do the draw the line at some point. If he blubbered over every little thing I know that would grate on my nerves. But really sad movies (ask him how feels about Marley and Me), the passing of a relative, a baby being born and other life experiences more than acceptable.

I cry over EVERYTHING so really who am I to judge?

3. If we leave right now, we'll have time to stop by Bed Bath & Beyond.

Poor Nick. I do drag him everywhere on the weekends. I'll have our entire day scheduled and am sure I've made statements similar to this. I don't know how many times I've heard <sigh> "Do I really have to go?" Where my simple response has been, "It'll only take a few minutes. It's not going to kill you." An eye roll ensues with more sighing. Then I get, "Well will you buy me something?"

4. Do you need help lighting the grill?

I wouldn't be very helpful with this one. I'm petrified I'll somehow manage to blow up our patio with the propane tank.

5. I'm putting this whole conversation on my blog.

Look what you're reading. Enough said.

6. You had so much hair back then!

We haven't gotten quite to that point just yet, however I will openly admit I have checked his hairline from time to time looking for signs of rescinding.

7. I don't care how big and drunk he is, he shouldn't be talking through the movie. I'm going to say something.

Oh boy. I've gotten Nick into a couple hairy situations (no pun intended to #6). I take for granted that my husband can hold his own, however, I don't need to help him into it.

8. Actually; it doesn't happen to every guy.

Yikes. Low blow right there.

9. We're vegetarians now.

Yep tried this one too. I didn't go nearly that far. I mentioned an article I read about "going vegetarian" one night a week can add years to your life. When I mentioned my plan you would have thought I told him we were selling all of our worldly possessions and going to live off the land.

10. My dad can fix that; you should call him.

Eek. Is it bad I've almost accomplished all of these? Do I least get a bonus point because a called my grandpa instead? Or do I lose a point because I called someone even older than my dad?

11. You know why.

One of his biggest pet peeves I'm sure. Assuming he should know. In a year of marriage and a seven year relationship, I've discovered men are oblivious to many things that annoy the hell out of most women.

Well, Redbook Magazine you have me pretty well figured out. I wonder how I've managed to become such a typical woman. I blame men.

Compiled by Troy Pattee of Dadventurous.com, Shawn Burns of Backpackingdad.com and Aaron Traister of redbookmag.com.

© Nichole DeMario, 2010 – 2012. All rights reserved  

A Testament of True Love

I know my blog was intended to be a diary/journal of the adventures, misadventures and lessons Nick and I learn together as we navigate married life.

But sometimes others have a way of making an incredible impression on your life. I had to share.

Paralyzed bride to marry one year after accident

A year ago, I remember turning on my favorite news station and hearing the story of a young couple, preparing for their wedding day, surrounded by tragedy.

The bride-to-be was enjoying her bachelorette party, when one of her bridesmaids pushed her into the shallow end of a pool. She immediately knew something was wrong and desperately asked her friends to call 911.

She was paralyzed. It was one month before she was set to say I do.

But on air the couple seem relatively unscathed. You could see the hurt on their faces, but behind those looks was something more - true, unfaltering love.

They didn't blame the bridesmaid or even seem angry with her. In fact, she was still on the guest list. They recognized this event as a tragic accident, one that would reshape their entire life together.

The groom-to-be said he never once thought, "What am I going to do?" only, "What are we going to do?".

Naysayers may say "aww, how sweet" and go about their lives. This story, however, struck me to the core. It made me check myself. How many times since Nick and I exchanged our vows had I joked or threatened divorce knowing I never meant it? How many times had I criticized instead of discussed or supported? How many times had I nagged about something petty in the grand scheme of things?

I don't doubt this couple won't face their fair share of challenges. But regardless of the challenges they will face, it's easy to see the tremendous amount of support they have for one another.

It's been a year since this couples life together was shattered. They've picked up the pieces and never looked back. In good times and in bad...in sickness and in health. Those vows are more than just idle words. They are a testament and a promise to one another.

I don't know this couple and most likely will never meet them, but they have given me an invaluable gift. One that I can use over and over again. It's a reminder how fragile love and life can be. When you know you have met your soul mate, your true love to never, ever take that for granted.

© Nichole DeMario, 2010 – 2012. All rights reserved