Confessions of a Newlywed: Surviving Wedded Bliss

3.25.2011

Did I marry a stranger?

Some days I wonder if the man I married is really the Nick I've known since the fifth grade and dated for nearly seven years. I wonder if when I wasn't looking the Nick I knew was exchanged for this man I now call my husband.

I've discovered the man I lovingly call my husband, the one I said forever to, the one I hope to start a family is not who I thought he was.

How did he hide this so well? It was masked between homemade cards, flowers, thoughtful gifts and all the romanticism in between. He's hilarious, fun loving, determined and outgoing. Sure, he put on a good front running track and playing hockey, but deep down a different side of him was trying to break the surface.

And as soon as I said those two fateful words, "I do" that other side won this impending battle.

For the past six months I've ignored little warning signs until I couldn't ignore it any longer.

The jig was up tonight.

Nick told me he wanted to purchase a gun. Coming from a family of water fowl hunters it didn't bother me. He has the proper licenses, training, etc. No worries on my part.

But then he turned the computer screen toward me and showed me not just any gun, but an assault rifle. The only response I could muster was, "WHOA! What would you need that for?"

For those that don't know this is a gun ready for battle. This is a serious weapon that means business.

This was a prime opportunity to say something to the affect, "To protect my family." Want to know what his response was?

"Well in the event we need to form an urban rebel force and had to fight off zombies, we'd be prepared!"

I was absolutely floored. With one response I discovered I married a closet nerd. An uber-imaginative, kooky, fantasy creating, zombie fearing, gunslinging nerd.

I say this all in good fun and humor. While I'm still learning a little about Nick and the couple we've become I still get a little surprised from time to time. Just when I think we have a routine and things are falling into a rhythm Nick brings me back to our reality.

He's a nerd, but he's my nerd.

3.17.2011

Not at a loss for words.

A typical pre-wedding conversation with anyone and everyone that knew I was engaged went something like this, "How are you? How's wedding planning?". I'd respond with some combination of good, fine, great, okay...Although thoughtful it got old and served as a stressful reminder when planning wasn't going smooth.

There were days when I wanted to belt out, "Since you asked, we can't find a pastor who is right for us and our future, our photobooth company just bailed on us, the hairstylist has a graduation now, my jewelry store just fired their engraver and have I mentioned I absolutely hate making decisions."

When you do that you get labeled either 1. crazy 2. a bridezilla or 3. a crazy bridezilla.

Fast forward and now its "How are you? How's married life?". This time around I wanted to put a little more thought into my response. I know for a fact no one wants to hear me gush about how much I love married life, how much I adore my husband...blah blah blah. Now I'm sure some individuals are ecstatic to see us happy, but others I know are asking the question because it seems like the normal, nice thing to ask.

Just being realistic here! You can't fool me.

So I got to thinking. After the first few times of blushing and gushing and saying "Great." I decided to mix things up. When asked now I respond with a quick, "Well he's still alive." Since I'm not a funny person and I don't tell jokes this is all I got people and it works!

Everyone always laughs (except for one woman who I will keep anonymous who responded "Umm...okay" but that's all right because I never liked her anyway).

People know marriage is work. People know their husbands can be a pain in the...well you know the rest. I'm sure some individuals wonder how they ever survived that first year. Although my response wasn't that premeditated (I was really only attempting to be funny, which takes a lot of work on my part) I think it's relatable. Funny how I can read the look on married peoples' faces, "I hear ya!" and "I'm sure my wife says the same thing."

Please don't misinterpret this. I could sit and gloat for hours on end. When it comes to how much I love my husband I'm not at a loss for words. I like my light-hearted response and while it's getting people to laugh with me (and not at me lol) I'm going to run with it!

2.24.2011

Five for fighting

I don't know how many times Nick and I have heard, "You know if you keep fighting like that you won't last more than six months..."

Well here we are nearly seven years later going strong. While I don't agree with the part of the statement that says we won't last I will openly admit that Nick and I do fight. No couple is as sweet as a Hallmark card no matter how they may appear.

Now let me clarify. When I say "fight" I mean it in the healthiest sense of the word - to argue or debate. This is not a screaming on the top of your lungs match, there is NO name calling (except maybe in our own heads, which we keep completely to ourselves and will most likely take to the grave) and of course not one iota of physical abuse.

To argue, debate or fight as I put it, is normal to me. It reminds me that although we are married, we are still individuals with our own opinions, thoughts and feelings. I'm proud to say that although Nick has influenced my life I'm still me. I have a sense of identity all my own regardless if I'm a wife.
I know I'm not the easiest person to live with or the easiest person to be married to. I'm opinionated and I love to get the last word in. The only problem is I don't have a quick wit and can't fire of comebacks left and right so sometimes after a fight is more than over I'll come back 20 minutes (sometimes even 40 minutes) later with something real clever and we're back to square one all over again.

My big claim to fame is when I know I'm right and I use Google to prove it. The computer is banned in our house during a fight. It's just because Nick knows I'll win! I love bringing evidence to the table!
I don't want to fight all the time of course. Never living together is making that feat a little challenging. I'm learning to really pick my battles though. For example, last night debating over whether or not I always make white gravy was incredibly important. It was!

2.09.2011

Jumping the gun

I'm a worry wart with an active imagination. It's a dangerous combination that I'm sure will give me premature gray hairs before I hit 30.

So when Nick told me what time he was going to be home and then was running very, very late my mind started to race. I tried to keep myself busy...I watched tv, made dinner, cleaned up the kitchen, checked Facebook (two, maybe three times), sent out a few e-mails, even checked my work e-mail. I wanted to call him, but then in the back of my mind I told myself, "No. Don't be one of those naggy, whiny wives."

Ugh..."When are you coming home? Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with?..."

But then road conditions had been terrible so my mind went to work yet again.

Well Nick made it home just fine, late, but fine. My nerves were a little haywire and I was upset he hadn't called or used someone else's phone when his died.

And to top it all off I was late, too. Not late to get home, but ya know late. The time of the month came and nothing happened. (I do have to note that by medical standards I wasn't really, truly late just later than what I was use to. That's where my imagination starts giving me trouble.)

So needless to say Nick being late, in the actual sense of the word, sent me into overdrive.

I was huffing and puffing through the kitchen telling him how worried I was, how upset he would be if I did this...I went on and on and on and on. Then out of nowhere I blurt out, "And I haven't started my period" as I immediately burst into tears.

Nick was dumbfounded. Here he was getting a verbal lashing as he was apologizing profusely when the conversation takes a complete 180 and he finds out his wife may be pregnant.

I turned into a blubbering idiot as Nick gave me the biggest hug. All I could say was, "But I don't want to be pregnant".

Since before we were ever married we said we wanted to wait at least a few years before we even tried to start a family. We love spending time with our friends who have babies and kids, but we always have said we're not ready yet.

I didn't want parenthood thrust upon us when we weren't planning. I looked at Nick pitifully with mascara running down my cheeks and said randomly, "Can we take a baby to Europe?" As if for some reason our child would not be able to obtain his or her passport.

Within a five minute tear-filled moment my mind had flashed to how we would be able to travel like we wanted to where would we put a nursery to my growing belly and swollen ankles to labor and delivery to losing baby weight. I was a wreck.

Then Nick looked at me and laughed (nervously), "It would be pretty cool if you were. We've been married a while now." A shift in our relationship happened that night. I honestly knew right then and there that no matter what the outcome we COULD do this, not only because we would have no other choice but to become parents, but because we'd be in it together.

I know pretty cheesy, huh?

I hate to cut into the suspense, but we found out there will be no little Nichole or Nick brought into this world...a day later. All that emotion and chaos! Talk about jumping the gun.

2.08.2011

Sleeping with my husband

Sleeping with my husband is an adventure every night. And by sleeping I mean really sleeping.

It started off with his incessant snoring. For weeks post-wedding I would be jolted awake by what sounded like an engine starting up in my ear.

Adapt and overcome...adapt and overcome. Eventually my light sleeper ways subsided.

While I'm not a snorer (although Nick may say otherwise) I'm a talker. And I've learned Nick has a lot to say too.

Just when I thought I could finally sleep soundly I was snapped out of a dead sleep when Nick jerked upright and yelled, "What the hell?". Just as quickly as he sat up he settled back down, not even opening his eyes. A few nights later he rolled over to my side of the bed to ask me to, "Please close the trophies."

The trophies? Really love...what did we win?

Now this bed time banter isn't all one-sided. I've woken Nick up a time or two when I've stolen all the blankets or decided to sleep diagonally across the bed.

Just one of married life's many blessings. Should have registered for the California king and some ear plugs maybe?

1.12.2011

Go to bed laughing

I recently wrote an article for a local niche publication where I was instructed to interview long-time married couples on how they "made love last".

It was one of those cutesy fluff pieces that make you feel good after writing it. As a newlywed, I was eager to hear what these couples had to say.

I was given the information for a gentleman nearing his 80s who had been married for 55 years. That's more than Nick and my age combined. He was the sweetest, cutest old man. By the end of the conversation I knew about his time in the military, how he met his wife, how many children and grandchildren he had (he wishes he had great grandchildren) what each of them do for a living as well as their spouses not to mention his baby sister married a bee keeper and he does not care to be stung.

While these might seem the ramblings of a proud old man, I saw a man happier than ever with the choices he made and incredibly grateful for the woman he had by his side along for the ride. He called her his baby and said his advice to couples would be to go to bed laughing every night.

I had never heard that before. Of course you always hear, "never go to bed mad"...but go to bed laughing. I loved the thought. I started to think back on all the times Nick has made me laugh and I knew that kind old man was on to something.

I thought I'd share one of my recent favorites:
Christmas morning was different for us. It was our first Christmas morning together as a married couple. We had finished opening gifts when Nick decided he wanted to try on his new shoes I bought him - black, white and gray DCs (no he doesn't think he's a skater, he just likes Rob Dyrdek and his shoes). A t-shirt, plaid pajama pants and white socks was not exactly the perfect ensemble to pair with the shoes. I glanced over and Nick had tucked in his shirt, pulled up his pants to his chest revealing those lovely white socks with black shoes and decided to dance around our living room singing the hamster car commercial theme song, "You can get with this or you can get with that...". I about died! I only wish I had the video camera on.

Yes this is the man I married. He made Erkel look like a god.

Man of the House

After four months of marriage, we're settling into our house. Our first place has been great and the neighborhood is just as nice! Living in a townhouse has been a first for the two of us...we never lived in an apartment either*...so adjacent neighbors is a new adventure.

Our neighbors seem nice enough. They're cordial and do the friendly wave when we get the mail or take out the garbage. However from time to time it sounds like elephants have moved in next door. I know our neighbors have three dogs (one of which is a great dane) but no dog, animal or human being could possibly make that much noise.

Our spare bedroom, which has been transformed into the family room/tv room/where my sisters sleep when they stay the night room/man cave/Blackhawks room butts up to what I believe is our neighbors' kitchen or living room. So when we're relaxing watching a movie and I hear thud, boom, bang I know either their dogs have gone rabid or they feel the need to beat the walls with pots and pans.

On top of these neighborly noises our house makes its normal creaks and cracks from time to time. Houses settle, but when you're lying in bed and its dark (regardless if someone is in the room with you) it can make your imagination run wild.

I was looking forward to having a big, strong man to "protect me" from the bumps in the night. Just the other night the weather was particularly bad and I know it was probably the wind, but we heard something outside. I knew our neighbors tend to keep their noise indoors.

I immediately looked at Nick with that, "Aren't you going to check on that?" face. He immediately responded, "Why me?"

I consider myself an independent woman, but believe you me scary noises downstairs late at night...you bet I'm sending my husband to look! If there was some monster lurking in the shadows waiting to get us it seemed my husband was more than willing to sacrifice me to save his own life.

The "Man of the House" is just as big a chicken as I am!

*Note: I did live on a naval base in an apartment up until the age of four, but I don't remember it so I'm not counting it as far as living arrangements go.